A mother's journey with IVF
I believe that every woman's journey into motherhood is unique to them. I also believe that a great deal of comfort and support comes when we share our stories - that is our darkest moments we know that we are not alone - there is hope and happiness. Carly Kenihan shares her honest experience with infertility - shedding light on a hard subject.
A mother's journey with IVF
By Carly Kenihan.
Infertility was never a label I expected for myself. I have so much to be grateful for: a loving husband, a supportive family, good health, happiness, and success (damn, my life is almost as perfect as my Instagram feed), so a year+ of trying to conceive shouldn’t have been a big deal, right? A few negative pregnancy tests were nothing compared to the couples struggling with three or five or ten years of infertility, so how dare I compare my ache to theirs? After five rounds of Clomid, a couple invasive tests, a diagnosis of Endometriosis, and a round of In Vitro Fertilization, I told myself I should move on with my life as a normal mama, blogger, and woman. But. As much as I wanted to continue with my daily routine, my life quickly became 1% flowy wrap dresses and lavish lunch meetings and 99% needles, meds, pharmacies and doctors appointments while I clung on through the wildest rollercoaster ride of my life. My social appearances diminished into moments of isolation, and my anxiety of facing the outside universe increased. My blog posts felt empty. My head was removed from my “Top Trends for Fall” post and stuck in the clouds with my future babies and finding another IVF sister’s blog hoping for inspiration and support. As I sat at my computer facing writers block for the hundredth time, I realized that I had an opportunity. As much as I’d wanted to keep my struggle with infertility to myself, it dawned on me that maybe my story could help other women the same way so many had helped me. I decided it was my turn to contribute to the infertility community, and that the blank page in front of me was meant for my story.
I felt so broken in my quest for motherhood. What was wrong with me? Why couldn’t I do the one thing I felt I was supposed to do? I knew I had to get over this overwhelming and depressing thought to make it through and be a success story, so I shoved it aside and accepted that God had a different plan for me. Instead of letting my self-administered injections terrify me, I told myself they empowered me.
I paid attention to how lovingly my husband would study the pamphlet to get the syringes prepped exactly right. I looked at the times we left dinners and events early so we could get home in time for our “nightcap” (aka injection) as a step forward rather than a missed opportunity. The shots hurt and sometimes left welts and bruises on my abdomen, but each poke was one step closer to baby. I took every difficult and negative situation and turned it into an exciting opportunity. The thought of being one step closer to baby made it all worth it. Next came egg retrieval. Sometimes I laugh at this one because, in truth, the only way to survive this period with sanity was to lighten up and chuckle a little..........
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